i feel bad for these kids who are like 12 or whatever and have bfs/gfs that say they will be together forever...they havent learned the lesson that u have to be mighty lucky to find ur soul mate at 12 and i mean u can be 14 and feel that way and by then u have a better perspective but u arent mature still..im not mature i still have learnin to do i do kno that life flys by and u just gotta learn things the hard way, like it or not.

one year ago today i REALLY liked someone...i thought it was love at the time and i still think it was cuz i still like him some but that was in the past..i just wish that at that point i coulda looked into the future and saw that me and him wouldnt have been together then i woulda saved alot of hard times (maybe) and i wished i coulda knew that i would make it thru the summer without him and i would get thru the first couple of weeks of HS just fine...and that i can do this w/o his help..ive got my friends and THEY are the ones that really love me back

ok you know those life lessons that u have heard of but u never understand them till it happens to you..

life is hard.."goin thru some hard times but be thankful for the good times" but when im angry and sad i tend to think everything is wrong and happenin to me but i dont see the other side..its not just me hurtin i mean im soo well off and i dont even realize it i mean there are alot of people that dont have what i have and would do anything for it and i just pass by it like any ordinary thing. i always thought that everyone was gettin someone that loved them and its soo easy for them but there are people that feel the same way as me so why do i think that im the only one? and cali knos that im the kind of person to not really expect the good things out of life/relationships cuz when it dont happen, its easier to get over i learned that the hard way but like cali says it will just pass by if i act like i dont care..and it will.why is it so hard for me to open my eyes and see whats happenin in front of me? why do i wait and keep things inside till its too late i mean if you really look around, the people that are in relationships are the people that up front said "i like you" and the other person felt the same and even if they dont like..atleast you dont have worry if they like you or not and i kno i should listen to my own words cuz im a hypocrite (?) and i kno its the easier way but it aint always that easy..im one of those people that is insecure about things cuz i was never one of those that was very popular so i figured no one liked me but im beginnin to find out that that aint always true now is it? and i also kno that just becuz on the outside someone is laughin and smilin that that doesnt mean they are doing so on the inside..they could be cryin so we just assume everyone and everything is ok. some people hide their issues better than others and when ur like wats wrong they say nothin and i also believe people that ask whats wrong are the ones that really care whats wrong and care for you or they are nosy..thats another thing, we all need to recognize who our real friends are and who are the ones that are just using us i mean is it right to abandon ur friends for things that wont be there for you. a couple of days ago someone said that u will forget about ur highschool friends but the college ones stay forever, u may keep in contact with a couple of highschool friends but not like college friends..now i dont want that to happen to me cuz now my friends are my life line honestly, no joke. i couldnt live without them. my true friends and i will always keep in touch even after we graduate in 4 years *tear* i mean college friends are gonna be fun but one of my teachers said that she liked college better or college friends because u can find people like u with ur similar interests and she said that in HS u have to pick from this tiny group and i thought well thats true about college but my HS friends are everything to me i mean we wouldnt be friends if we werent somewhat alike and shared the same interests i mean if we were totally different then we wouldnt be friends i mean i see friends as someone u can be urself around and at school there is this pair of friends where amelia is best friends with lorin and she would do anything for her (of course i mean typical friend relationship right?) but where the story turns is where lorin has amelia wrapped around her finger i mean she orders amelia to do anything, if lorin is walkin with a guy, she orders amelia to go walk with someone else up in front of her so lorin and the guy can talk and i mean amelia has to be her alarm clock and i mean lorin is really nice but that aint right and i get mad and i hate to say it but i get mad at amelia too and i kno that it sounds mean of me but its true and by no means am i sayin amelia should forget about lorin cuz they are best friends and best friends are hard to find but i mean that aint friendship... so i guess next time u see someone laughin and smilin, dont assume everything is perfect..when ur down, dont assume ur the only one with something wrong...find out who ur real friends are and who cares for you and keep them forever cuz when ya need a shoulder to cry on..guess who will be there..im learnin this stuff out as i go and sure ya have to learn it the hard way but will u remember it if u dont learn it the hard way?

i havent wrote in here in awhile...ive had drivers ed and other things but ill fill ya in..we have about 1 and 1/2 weeks of drivers ed..we dont have it on fridays and we missed two days so he is extendin the class two days but its all good cuz i dont really care to go to afterschool anymore because i broke up with dalton...yea i need to be free and flirt with other guys..we have a home football game tonite and a dance but i dont wanna go to the dance cuz its boring..im goin shopping tomoro and o yea i get a car for my bday! (the one ya see in the pic) but my bday is in 2 mths..lol well thanx for the comments n props while i was gone...talk to yall l8r

i dont have much to say nemore...could it be cuz i have no inspiration...no one lookin at my site? i start drivers ed next week...i have nothin else to say...i might have somethin to say if more ppl came....curiousity killin ya bout what im gonna write if more ppl come? remember that curiousity didnt kill the cat but made the kittens!

how can u look into the future when ur still stuck on the past

im in a good mood as of today... i got my hair highlighted....u can tell but not alot..its cute, i like it..haha i dont hate dalton ne more....we are goin out but u kno my life..its a rollercoaster so who knos what will happen next..

well...life these past couple of days has been good and bad...remember daniel, my ex, well i dont hate him ne more, i hate dalton..me n daniel are gettin along like old times b4 the goin out happened...its weird. chris spent the night with alex from friday till today..we went to the drag races friday and yesterday. i went shoppin n got alot of new clothes that are cool...makes me think how much i love my mom and what she does for me i love you mom.  on the other hand with dalton..why do i still have feelings for him when he lies n says he is goin to afterskool and he didnt, when he said his mom wouldnt let him go to any games and he went, when he said he would talk to me after he got done with his HW but never said a word....and today on the net he was like "well dont talk to me i see how ur gonna be" "lol" and i said "well uve been ignoring me so i didnt say n e thing" and he goes "wats up" "gee i love you too"  and i said "nothing" " i kno u dont love me for a fact" and he said "just kidding" "nothing" and he signed off and warned me.....he doesnt care if we are friends, he acts like he does..well he cared a week ago but if i said i wasnt his friend today, i dont kno what would happen. ive never really had a mature bf i guess, i dunno. i wasnt meant to go out with guys i guess....gotta stick with my friends n thats it..well im gonna go and do pretty much nothin..peace out...here is a poem i wrote

what if i wished we had never met

never shared a fone call

never said those things i said

what if i wished we had never been

never told those 3 words

never said yes again

if i woulda wished these things

would they have come true

or would i still be heartbroken

and missing you

ok i recently got an industrial piercing (not my ear in the pic, just to let u kno what it is)...some ppl thought it was awesome, some ppl thought it was gay, others asked why and like ruth ann (my grown up relative) said what is she gonna do next week get a tattoo or her eyebrows pierced (i heard this from a cousin and i wouldnt doubt it cuz she told me not to get any more piercings but shes not my mom and its my body) which brings me my speech for today..skip over if u would plez, i dont care but dont criticize me when ur the one who didnt read this

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i have my cartilage pierced, lobes,belly button and saturday i got an indusrtial piercing. i like piercings..yes i did it cuz i like it and thought it looked cool and also cuz i thought others would be like wow and think it cool too and it wasnt very common...if u MUST criticize me, say it to my face/type it on here/on IM whatever but dont say it behind my back...its not ur body, i do with my body as i plez (after permission from my mom!) if u dont like it, dont look at it but as my body i have a right to treat it how i think it should be treated and gettin somethin pierced aint gonna hurt it too much..i still believe in God, this doesnt mean im turnin into some gothic cuz im not, thats not what i believe in personally....what if i did decide to get my eyebrow pierced next week..is that ne one else problem or business..i should think not, its my own thing..someone today (even tho they mighta been jokin) said carrie is become one of those freaks with everything pierced..im not but what if i did, huh? what can they do about it. if u cant love me for who i am then get the heck outta my life and stop takin up my time and space...dont i am not pointin it to n e one on xanga cuz yall have excepted me into the "xanga community" with open arms and have been nice to me ever since..i just felt like tellin this to someone and hopefully someone will read

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ok i had my first voices in the laurel practive and got uniforms and everything,,i was upset cuz i had to leave afterskool and my friend was there today..and he didnt email me back! o well there was a reason for me having to leave early..o well, God Bless and thanks for readin my speech

i signed back online just to put this in here..ya never kno who will read this and really relate to it..what if there is someone thinkin about hurtin themselves or others but then they read this and think what am i doing..what if i woulda waited till mornin to write this...u dont have to leave a comment or eprops i dont care just read it and think about it. i dont want everyone to think that i think i can save someones life, thats not the point im tryin to get at its just litl words can make a big difference if you give them a change...

often we wonder "can life get worse" when in actuality..it can...we take things for granted i mean we get to go to skool and dont think "who wants to go to skool" cuz where would u meet ur friends, where would u get an education to get a good paying job.  we are sittin here typing about how bad our life is (and i do this all the time and im writin this for myself too) when we have a computer to write an entry to xanga everyday, we have food to eat, a place to sleep.  think about the ppl over in other countries that are out on the streets 24/7 with no where to live and no one that loves them..their dad is in the army and their mom is on her death bed and she just had a child..now u kno that is alot of the cases over there..we complain if we dont get that shirt we wanted at Wet Seal..i complain cuz i cant get a tattoo till im 18 how stupid can i be. those kids in other countries dont even complain, they sit there with bug bites and fevers and dont say a word now if that dont make u feel bad then i dont kno what will...u never kno what u have till its gone so we should all including me say a prayer to God thanking him that we are healthy, loved, and our needs are met with most of our wants met too...teens yrs are the hardest so far but what do i kno, im just startin my journey and at times i wish i wasnt here but next day is better when im with my friends i cant help but smile...not to be mean but there are alot of doo doo brains in the adult world and if they made it this far, why cant we? kids, we are the future, lets not let it get to our heads when our bf/gf breaks up with us/you. lifes not over, from every hurt comes a reward, u get stronger. so next time u find urself wishin u werent here, just clear ur mind for a minute and think what it would be like to have some disorder, paralyzed, or some litl 5 yr old on their death bed in afghanistan...and think about all u have....God is there for you when u need to talk to him...thanks for taking time to read this..Luv n Hugz n God Bless

today was ok i guess...its bad when u promised you wouldnt go out with 1 person again but u kno u still like them...officially a week ive been single (since last night)..makes me feel loved **not** and then i feel left out..everyone has weekend plans and im not in them i mean i guess i dont expect to be..highschool life is awesome cept for the tests are outrageous...i have a big mythology test tomoro..yea thats my sad life story...atleast im in Voices....yipz for me..hope everyone has a better week/weekend than me, bye